For Asher.

This is a hard post.  I wish I wasn't writing it.  I hate what it means.

But I love who it's for.

My friend Karen.  Her husband Aaron.  And their amazing son Asher.

They brought him home from the hospital right after he was born.  His amazing birth mom picked Karen and Aaron to be his mommy and daddy.....because she knew.....in her infinite wisdom that her son deserved a mom and a dad who loved each other like crazy, were ready to be parents, who could make the sacrifices necessary to fulfill that role, and had prayed and yearned for him for so many years.

He'd grown in their hearts.  He was meant to be theirs.

Karen, Aaron, and Asher have an incredible relationship with Asher's birth-mom.  It's perfect.  It's a beautiful picture of domestic adoption and how it can work and be amazing for everyone involved.  It's what I have with my own daughter's birth mom.  It's what I so desperately hope for others I know walking the road of domestic adoption.

Is it always this way for everyone?  No.
Is it always best for it to be this way in all domestic adoptions? No.

But in this situation.....it is.....and it's so refreshing.
It builds up the name of adoption.
And Asher, and his parents, and his birth mom are thriving because of it.  Asher's birth mom is another example of an incredibly strong, selfless woman who was able to hold her baby, look deep into his eyes and know that parenting a baby is about more than how it makes YOU feel.....it's about what is best for the baby; both immediately and in the distant future.  She was able to see beyond her own pain, her own sacrifice, her own discomfort...........and see so clearly what her baby needed.

He needed Karen and Aaron.

But.....

Last week, Karen posted this on her Facebook wall:

This is a difficult post to write…but something about it feels like the right thing to do. So many of you have reached out with such heartfelt notes and prayers - even though many of you do not know what you are praying for. We are blessed to call you all friends…and with that, ask you to join us on a prayer journey as we continue our “12 days of Awesomeness” with Asher.


On February 2nd, 2012 our world was shaken upside down. Asher’s birth father began taking steps to put a stop to our adoption. Over the course of many months of confusion and answerless questions…it was confirmed that his intention was to take physical custody of Asher.
While we believe that we have a strong case - and that God created US to be Asher’s parents…we cannot overlook the reality that birth parents are HIGHLY favored in the eyes of the courts. And so, with that…we humbly request your prayers over our family.
On January 9th, our case will go before the courts for them to decide the fate of our son’s future. We are not welcome in the court room and so we will be represented by a team of three lawyers, Susan and her father (who is also a lawyer).
Until then - we’ve decided that enough tears have been shed, enough time has been wasted. In our house - we will spend the next 12 days celebrating life, celebrating joy, celebrating our time with Asher. It may or may not be coming to an end…but we will have NO REGRETS. This little life saved our hearts…and we are blessed just by having known and loved him. We firmly believe that the Lord’s hand has been in this since day one…and He will finish it in such a way that His name will be glorified by all who are touched by our story. We are confident that He love us, loves Asher and knows what is best for all of us.

There are so many fragile emotions and our extended family certainly also bears a significant burden. Would you please pray for our family? Would you please remember Susan, as she champions our case for us? She is our special gift throughout this story - and we fall more in love with her every moment. Would you lift up our team of lawyers and they form strategy and present our family to the judge? Would you pray for Asher’s birth father? That his heart would be changed…and yet that somehow, in the end of this, an opportunity for Asher to know him and love him would remain? Would you pray for all of these things?

We love you, friends. We thank you for remembering us and for reaching out to us so kindly. In everything, we have no fear. To God be the glory.

Love,
Karen (on behalf of Aaron, too)

Since I learned about this last February nothing, NOTHING has consumed more of my thoughts and prayers and tears than Karen and her family and their son.

He's just over a year old now.  To him, mommy and daddy are Karen and Aaron.  Always have been.  

The thought that someone who has never met Asher or his parents can now step in and ask for full physical custody is gut-wrenching and so very sad.

I don't write this to scare people away from domestic adoption.  Clearly, from what I write here on a regular basis, I believe it is amazing--I celebrate it regularly.  I've experienced that.  Karen has experienced it too, in the relationship she has with Asher's birth mom.

I write it because I believe that the name of adoption needs to be protected when something threatens to tarnish it.  I believe that when we see social injustice we should work to make it better.  By telling Asher's story, by asking you to share this post over and over so that everyone you can think of knows about it and in turn defends adoption and stands up for the best interest of children even when it's really hard, by asking you to pray without ceasing for this little boy and his family........I am working the best way that I know how.

Are there situations where birth parents change their mind right before a baby is born or shortly there- after and decide to parent their children and it's okay and works out, although it is extremely painful for the adoptive parents involved?  Of course.  This post is not about bashing reasonable birth-parent rights.   They must have them. It's about preserving what is best for a child in one particular situation.  And to reiterate what Karen and Aaron believe about this.........

It may or may not be coming to an end…but we will have NO REGRETS. This little life saved our hearts…and we are blessed just by having known and loved him. We firmly believe that the Lord’s hand has been in this since day one…and He will finish it in such a way that His name will be glorified by all who are touched by our story. We are confident that He love us, loves Asher and knows what is best for all of us.

As an adoptive mom--as a mom--I believe it's right and necessary to speak up when you feel an injustice is present.  Especially one that effects those who can't speak for themselves; our children.  Won't you please spread Asher's story, pray for this family, and become a valiant defender of adoption when it is right for kids?

Adoption needs this victory on January 9th.
Karen and Aaron need this victory on January 9th.

Asher needs this victory FOREVER.  

I Like Adoption.

Georgia watched this video with me. And she was quiet.  And you know what's so incredible about little kids?  They don't really know yet what is 'weird' or 'different' or what's 'normal.'  And they don't get squeamish about things that are uncomfortable like adults do.  She did ask me once why one of the kids didn't have arms.  I told her.  She just said, "Oh," and kept watching. And at the end........

"I'm adopted just like those kids. I like adoption."  

I had tears in my eyes and I kissed her head and said, "I like it too."

The title of the video is so obvious that it's just what comes out of your mouth if you really 'get' adoption.  Even when adoption is so hard and painful.  The family in this video knows that ten-fold....and they still......like adoption.  

Georgia's adoption is really very different from the ones portrayed here and I wouldn't necessarily describe her adoption as what saved her life in a literal way nor that by being adopted she was escaping what the kids in the family above were escaping.  But the message is still there.  

Adoption is something to be liked.  It's amazing in ways that other things just can't be amazing.  And it's videos like this that I hope people watch, and even if they're not directly impacted by adoption will make them believe that adoption is something to be celebrated and supported and talked about in a positive light.  

I like adoption.  

Your mom is coming.

We did New Year's Eve with lots of kids this year. Sometimes that just feels good, and for me, I have some of the best memories of hanging out with friends while the adults hung out upstairs--memories that I believe all kids need and love.  We'd run and scream and shriek through the basement or between bedrooms upstairs, doors slamming, huge thumps as we jumped off the beds, and loud crashes as bins of toys got poured out haphazardly all over bedroom floors. Inevitably the parents would each take turns coming up to reprimand us every twenty minutes or so when it started to sound like mutiny was imminent or someone started crying.  It was the best.  

And last night, when the basement doors had slammed one too many times for me to ignore I headed down.  One of Georgia's friends hurled open the door as I approached the bottom of the stairs, took one look at me, and yelled a word of warning into the basement, "Georgia, your mom is coming....you better stop doing that." I laughed.  Because that?  That kind of childhood, word-of-warning, camaraderie at parties is the stuff that kids remember and laugh about.  And I laughed because I felt like I'd earned some mom stripes in that moment.  Someone warned the others that a "mom" was coming.  Me.  The big terrible scary mom. 

We made pizzas, ate chocolate cake, strung snack necklaces, the kids watched a movie, the grown-ups played a game and stood around the kitchen island and talked, the kids chased each other, we laughed, and we had a great New Year's.  A perfect way to send out 2012 and welcome 2013.  

One of the most amazing little artists around!

All settled in for a Tinker Bell movie.

These two are incapable of taking a picture together where they don't look like they're squeezing the life out of each other.  

Happy New Year to you!

2012 Favorite Things

Whoa dude.  Another year is over.  2013 is upon us and it's so, so, so crazy to me how much we pack into a year even though sometimes the days seem long.  One of the (many) reasons I maintain this little space is for me--to keep a running record of our lives, my thoughts, stories for Georgia, and how much I want to remember, forever, all of the little things, all of the big things, and the in-between things.

I looked back at the year Pink Shoes has had and chose a post I really liked from each month.  Check them out if you haven't yet!

January: Stories
February: Mom Guilt.  Stop Ignoring it.
March: Not on the Same Team
April: 30 Amazing Minutes
May: Pictures
June: Oh darling don't you ever grow up.....
July: And Then it all Goes to Crap
August: At Midnight
September: Traditions.  Are you building them? 
October: What I've Learned in 35 Years
November: Last Week at this Time
December:  This Wall

I didn't include many of my adoption posts in this list--December is really the only one.  And there's a really silly reason for that, because my adoption posts are hands-down my favorite; no pictures.  I generally don't include a lot, or any, pictures in my adoption posts--the really serious ones.  I can't always find pictures that I think are appropriate and I don't want to necessarily take away from the words because I really mean them.  Maybe I should change that though.  I sense a resolution taking shape.  You can absolutely always get to all of my adoption posts however, through my adoption button in the left side-bar.

Adoption is the cornerstone that allows this blog to exist--you can be sure.  It's my cause.  It's the most important thing I've ever done and I hope I never tire of talking about it and fighting for all that it means, both for birth-parents and adoptive parents.  I am so grateful for all of you that return to Pink Shoes over and over to read what I write, leave an amazing comment, let me know I'm not alone, and in the course of a year have become a tremendous support system.  I've 'talked' to some of you via e-mail at great length about amazing things and about really hard and horrible things when it comes to adoption.  I learn everyday what it means to be a brave and a selfless parent from so many of you.

The stories you share.........I hold them as some of the most precious that I have.  The battles that some of you are fighting.......they're so hard, unimaginable really.....and yet you do it relentlessly because you know what it means to love a child.  You make yourselves vulnerable because being a mama is that amazing and you know it's worth it.  I stand in awe and am humbled by what I've learned from some of you.

Thank you for standing in the trenches of adoption........next to my daughter's birth mom.........you are my heroes.

2013.  I pray it's miraculous in exactly the way you need it to be.

Christmas Round-Up.

My wedding day and Christmas 2012 now share a delightful commonality.....I went to urgent care on both of them.....because I was horribly sick.

That's right. Sick on Christmas....and still sick....and that's really not what I asked for.  I prayed for a positive strep test so I could take some magic and it'd be better in 24 hours.....it was negative.  So now I'm just nursing the worst sore throat I've ever had.  It settled in Christmas Eve day and it's still holding on.  It's pretty awesome.

Regardless....we had a great Christmas and a fantastic time together as a family!  A few pictures for you.....

Wrapping is serious business in our family.  Serious business.

As is cookie decorating....gingerbread to be exact.  It's all about the frosting--the good kind--and the red hots.

My sister had some custom Peter Pan costumes made for Georgia--Wendy and Peter-- and Georgia has been wearing them for three days straight now, even sleeping in them.  Could it be that we've found the Wizard of Oz's replacement? As I type she's watching the Cathy Rigby stage version of the play........for the tenth time or so since Christmas Eve.

Our traditional Christmas Eve dinner of appetizers and desserts.  We've been doing this as long as I can remember and I'll never stop.  We make a table of our favorite appetizers and cookies, load up our plates, and sit around the tree eating until we're stuffed.  And then.....we open presents....all of them. I know....gasp....what about Christmas morning?  We've always just done stockings in the morning--that's what Santa would bring.   It's how my mom did it when she was little and it's stuck.  I think it's fantastic.  A cozy and very memorable way to spend Christmas Eve.

Sisters. She's so pretty.

Hope you all had a sore-throat free Christmas and you got to spend time with your families.
A new year....it's right around the corner!