But I love who it's for.
My friend Karen. Her husband Aaron. And their amazing son Asher.
They brought him home from the hospital right after he was born. His amazing birth mom picked Karen and Aaron to be his mommy and daddy.....because she knew.....in her infinite wisdom that her son deserved a mom and a dad who loved each other like crazy, were ready to be parents, who could make the sacrifices necessary to fulfill that role, and had prayed and yearned for him for so many years.
He'd grown in their hearts. He was meant to be theirs.
Karen, Aaron, and Asher have an incredible relationship with Asher's birth-mom. It's perfect. It's a beautiful picture of domestic adoption and how it can work and be amazing for everyone involved. It's what I have with my own daughter's birth mom. It's what I so desperately hope for others I know walking the road of domestic adoption.
Is it always this way for everyone? No.
Is it always best for it to be this way in all domestic adoptions? No.
But in this situation.....it is.....and it's so refreshing.
It builds up the name of adoption.
And Asher, and his parents, and his birth mom are thriving because of it. Asher's birth mom is another example of an incredibly strong, selfless woman who was able to hold her baby, look deep into his eyes and know that parenting a baby is about more than how it makes YOU feel.....it's about what is best for the baby; both immediately and in the distant future. She was able to see beyond her own pain, her own sacrifice, her own discomfort...........and see so clearly what her baby needed.
He needed Karen and Aaron.
Last week, Karen posted this on her Facebook wall:
This is a difficult post to write…but something about it feels like the right thing to do. So many of you have reached out with such heartfelt notes and prayers - even though many of you do not know what you are praying for. We are blessed to call you all friends…and with that, ask you to join us on a prayer journey as we continue our “12 days of Awesomeness” with Asher.
On February 2nd, 2012 our world was shaken upside down. Asher’s birth father began taking steps to put a stop to our adoption. Over the course of many months of confusion and answerless questions…it was confirmed that his intention was to take physical custody of Asher.
While we believe that we have a strong case - and that God created US to be Asher’s parents…we cannot overlook the reality that birth parents are HIGHLY favored in the eyes of the courts. And so, with that…we humbly request your prayers over our family.
On January 9th, our case will go before the courts for them to decide the fate of our son’s future. We are not welcome in the court room and so we will be represented by a team of three lawyers, Susan and her father (who is also a lawyer).
Until then - we’ve decided that enough tears have been shed, enough time has been wasted. In our house - we will spend the next 12 days celebrating life, celebrating joy, celebrating our time with Asher. It may or may not be coming to an end…but we will have NO REGRETS. This little life saved our hearts…and we are blessed just by having known and loved him. We firmly believe that the Lord’s hand has been in this since day one…and He will finish it in such a way that His name will be glorified by all who are touched by our story. We are confident that He love us, loves Asher and knows what is best for all of us.
There are so many fragile emotions and our extended family certainly also bears a significant burden. Would you please pray for our family? Would you please remember Susan, as she champions our case for us? She is our special gift throughout this story - and we fall more in love with her every moment. Would you lift up our team of lawyers and they form strategy and present our family to the judge? Would you pray for Asher’s birth father? That his heart would be changed…and yet that somehow, in the end of this, an opportunity for Asher to know him and love him would remain? Would you pray for all of these things?
We love you, friends. We thank you for remembering us and for reaching out to us so kindly. In everything, we have no fear. To God be the glory.
Karen (on behalf of Aaron, too)
Since I learned about this last February nothing, NOTHING has consumed more of my thoughts and prayers and tears than Karen and her family and their son.
He's just over a year old now. To him, mommy and daddy are Karen and Aaron. Always have been.
The thought that someone who has never met Asher or his parents can now step in and ask for full physical custody is gut-wrenching and so very sad.
I don't write this to scare people away from domestic adoption. Clearly, from what I write here on a regular basis, I believe it is amazing--I celebrate it regularly. I've experienced that. Karen has experienced it too, in the relationship she has with Asher's birth mom.
I write it because I believe that the name of adoption needs to be protected when something threatens to tarnish it. I believe that when we see social injustice we should work to make it better. By telling Asher's story, by asking you to share this post over and over so that everyone you can think of knows about it and in turn defends adoption and stands up for the best interest of children even when it's really hard, by asking you to pray without ceasing for this little boy and his family........I am working the best way that I know how.
Are there situations where birth parents change their mind right before a baby is born or shortly there- after and decide to parent their children and it's okay and works out, although it is extremely painful for the adoptive parents involved? Of course. This post is not about bashing reasonable birth-parent rights. They must have them. It's about preserving what is best for a child in one particular situation. And to reiterate what Karen and Aaron believe about this.........
It may or may not be coming to an end…but we will have NO REGRETS. This little life saved our hearts…and we are blessed just by having known and loved him. We firmly believe that the Lord’s hand has been in this since day one…and He will finish it in such a way that His name will be glorified by all who are touched by our story. We are confident that He love us, loves Asher and knows what is best for all of us.
As an adoptive mom--as a mom--I believe it's right and necessary to speak up when you feel an injustice is present. Especially one that effects those who can't speak for themselves; our children. Won't you please spread Asher's story, pray for this family, and become a valiant defender of adoption when it is right for kids?
Adoption needs this victory on January 9th.
Karen and Aaron need this victory on January 9th.
Asher needs this victory FOREVER.