We left that meeting and I planted myself on the couch when we got home to grade history tests and told Chris, "Catch me in about......ten years......and we can talk about adoption again." I was awesome back then. Or something.
2008 rolled around and we started up fertility treatments again. This time I was giving myself shots, going to the fertility doctor every other day one week a month and feeling pretty numb. Deep, deep inside me I knew this wasn't going to work. I just knew. But I wouldn't say it out loud, or even in a whisper when I was by myself. Whenever that thought would creep into my head I'd banish it with a, "You're being too negative," chide. But I knew. I'm pretty sure I knew.
In September of 2008 I agreed to start looking into adoption in a semi-serious way with Chris. To prove how "serious" I was I made the first call to an adoption agency. He was excited, I was hesitant. We weren't really on the same page.
But what I'd decided was that.........being on the same page isn't always all that necessary.
Because by making a phone call, I wasn't bringing home a baby.
We were taking baby steps. Granted, his bigger than mine.
And then later that fall I agreed to take adoption education classes.
Because by taking adoption education classes, I wasn't bringing home a baby.
And during those adoption education classes I agreed to get all of the necessary paper-work filled out and sent in. And of course....it was exciting. It was hopeful. It was chinking away at my uneasiness and that felt good.
Getting my fingerprints taken....Fall 2008. Baby Steps.
All this paper work....and this is about 1/8 of it. And I'm sure I was annoyed with myself after this picture because I had to rearrange the pages into the proper order.
Mailing in the paper-work. I was taking strides at this point.
But still, I agreed to all that paper-work because it didn't ultimately mean I was bringing home a baby.
And as we closed in on Christmas I agreed to start the home-study process.
Because by starting the home-study process, I wasn't bringing home a baby.
I admit I was getting closer. But my baby steps had turned into strides after so many months.
And so the story goes....step by step. And somewhere along the line, my steps began to match Chris's. I had to run a little bit to catch up, but when there is something in front of you that you want, running, doesn't bother you so much.
So now, all these years later when I think back on that fall of 2008 and early winter of 2009 and I talk to people who are hesitating about starting the adoption process, either as a couple or individually, I say......being on the same page, about this, isn't all it's cracked up to be. When you need to be on the same page you'll get there. But don't let not being there stop you from starting to get there.
I recently told someone......When you're starting the adoption process, if you want to start the adoption process but feel hesitant, don't think about what it means months down the line. Think about it like the end result is just meeting with a social worker to see if adoption is really for you. Then think about it like you're going to go to some classes to see if you're interested. And eventually, if you're supposed to get there........you will. So many times taking the first step, that small first step that really means nothing of significance at the time, is what you need to convince yourself of what you want.
And that same advice? You can apply it to other things.......like,
Starting the house-buying process or looking into a career change or looking into different schools for your child or starting your own business or, or, or.
You can't let what the end result might be scare you away from the first step.
So if you're thinking about adoption but you're not on the same page.....yet.......with your husband or your wife, it's okay. There are many steps to adoption. And you only have to do one at at time.
Loved this! The first meeting we went to there was an Adoptive couple who spoke and they talked about how there is always a "dragger" and a "draggee" in a relationship. I was officially the unashamed "dragger" and the eggshell walker.ReplyDelete
Yes--Chris was the dragger. I didn't have to be drug (is that a word?) :) for too long.ReplyDelete