Friday, August 24, 2012

Watch. Please.

A lot of people still express confusion, hesitation, disbelief, and doubt at the relationship that my husband and I, and most importantly Georgia have with her birth-mom and her family. And we get it. We do. It's not how things used to be done, it's not how we've grown up thinking about domestic adoption, it's not how it's really portrayed in movies (don't get me started at the abomination that was Juno).

But it is the most natural thing in the world once you're doing it.  And I believe it's the most natural thing because it's right.  Things like this,  that are right often come easier.  You don't fight a lot of inner turmoil over them, you don't feel wary in the midst of them, you don't second-guess yourself at every turn, and you don't feel any pull in the direction of those who are expressing that maybe you're doing the wrong thing.  Your gut feels at peace with it.  Really at peace.

Open adoption is so good.

This little clip is a deleted scene from a show, "Our America:  Open Adoption," that was produced by Lisa Ling.  It's a clip that my husband and I and Georgia's birth-family could have made.  It's how we feel.  It does open adoption justice and confirms that it is becoming the norm, as it should, with domestic adoptions.

Watch it.  Know that it is exactly how I feel.  It is how Georgia's birth mom and family feel; we've had these discussions with them.  If you are on the fence about domestic adoption because this scares you I understand that; I used to be there.  But what is waiting for you if you push through is one of the richest relationships you'll ever be privy to and it will take your breath away at how truly magical it is.

I am thankful everyday for the way that open adoption has changed me forever.  I wouldn't be me without it.


  1. You know i love love love this post! <3

  2. This story is wonderful. And your story is wonderful. But can I ask… can I express out loud, without offending… What if our story doesn’t end up to be so wonderful? What if our birth family isn’t stable, and loving, and like us?

    1. I don't think that is a bad question at all--I think it's normal--and I will be the first to say that if we were to do it again and the family that chose us wasn't stable or people that we believed were healthy for our family everything would look different. However, I do believe that if you can make it work--perhaps just a little, even if it isn't the most ideal, extended family feeling like mine is right now or like the video portrayed I think it's worth it--so that your child has a connection to who they came from.

      I also think that the more press and coverage that exists about how healthy open adoption is and can be, the more teens will consider choosing it--and that is a huge step forward for our society. I wrote this post....... couple months ago that discusses concerns like this.

      I have more I can say about this Beth--maybe I'll e-mail you separately.

    2. Hi! Thanks for the reply! I definitely daydream about a wonderful match, like the kind that you have. But I also know that that just might not be the case. Ours will likely be long distance, which will come into play too. Regardless, I agree, though, that we have a responsibility to make it as good as we can.

      I’m glad that I found your blog. It’s been a support and inspiration to me during this process. I went through much of our infertility journey without support and feeling isolated, and I’ve made a point to have the opposite experience through the adoption journey.

  3. LOVE THIS! :) Thanks SO much for sharing! I volunteer at a Crisis Pregnancy Center and having this short clip on file would be so helpful when trying to explain to teenagers that adoption has changed SO MUCH in the past few decades.

    Beth, I have two daughters via infant domestic adoption and neither of our adoptions are "open" because of the reasons you stated. Sometimes, that is just the way it is. Sometimes openness isn't best for the children. My adoptions are not closed by any means - we just don't have a contract saying we must have visits. I WISH it could be so, but that is just not the best in these situations.

    Maggie wrote a post about this not too long ago! It was beautifully written, as usual!

    1. Elaine. Thanks so much. I love hearing people’s stories and different perspectives. And I think it’s fantastic that you volunteer at the Crisis Pregnancy Center!

  4. I have had many friends that had open adoptions and it seems like a more well adjusted choice.

  5. Amen, sister! My husband and I are so thankful for the blessing of our open adoption!

  6. Thank you for sharing this clip, Maggie. When I chose adoption for my firstborn, almost 23 years ago, we chose and met her adoptive parents, I placed my little girl into her mama's arms and then we corresponded once or twice yearly, through our agencies until she was 12. That was about as open as adoption was at that time. I love seeing this evolution of open much love for these little ones being shared and the mutual respect between birth and adoptive parents. It just makes me feel so good...I'm glad that programs like this are being shared. It's just such a loving decision all the way around. All the best to you and your beautiful family.

    Jenny V


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