But, given some serious thought I think that mom guilt is valuable (at times) because it teaches you a lesson--one about your own humanity and how ridiculous it can really be.
Confession:
I'm a slammer and a quick doer (never heard that term? stick with me here.). Meaning......I'll slam things around quickly when I'm trying to get something done fast while I'm irritated.
Those books that keep falling off the counter? I'll pick them back up again and again, but on the 50th time I'm going to put them down a little harder on the counter than the first time--because I'm going to teach them a lesson. Sometimes I'll even mumble to them under my breath, "Now stay there."
When Georgia's not listening and we need to get our coats on to head out the door? Her coat goes on a little more quickly and gets zipped up with a little more vigor (out of frustration on my part) than a time when she was probably listening to me and came when I asked her to come.
I have a sink full of dirty dishes and I open the dishwasher to load it and I find it's all clean? I empty it and reload it with a little more "efficiency" than on a day when I'm demonstrating more self-control.
No big deal right? We all do it.
But here's the thing--the kids notice it.
When I'm engaging in one of these "I'm-doing-this-fast-because-I'm-a-little-irritated-and-kind-of-feel-like-throwing-an-adult-tantrum" Georgia always says to me, "Mommy--why are you doing that fast? I don't like it when you do it fast."
And that stops me in my tracks every time.
I think I'm being subtle. I think I'm exercising some sort of patience because I'm not raising my voice, I'm not "counting," and I'm not threatening some consequence. But I'm doing it fast...and not in a "making the most of my time kind of way."
And then I'll notice that when Georgia can't get her doll dressed, she can't figure out how to open a purse, she can't get a puzzle piece to fit just perfectly, or she can't put on her shoes she starts doing it fast; little slams, mean facial expressions, and not the way that I want her to handle frustration. And as much as it's probably just "in" us to act this way when we're frustrated it looks extra ugly when we see our kids do it and we know they've perfected this skill from watching us.
So my goal for December it to do frustration slow.
And to banish that mom guilt inducing question of "why are you doing it fast?"
There's enough mom guilt that comes that's unwarranted--I don't need to perpetuate warranted mom guilt. Who has time for that?
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And in other news........
Advent started. If you want a spectacular little resource to use with your kids check out this out. It comes with a download of a craft to do every day with your kids during December.
And I also made one of these great little advent chains for Georgia. My mom made these for us when we were little and my sister and I loved them! They were like chains of candy hanging in our kitchen but they held all the little knick knacks and trinkets that a dollar store can afford and that are coveted by kids everywhere.
I think the lesson we'll learn from these this December is patience. The idea of only cutting off one little present a day is a bit frustrating when there is a delightful light up pig key chain stuck smack dab in the middle of the chain. Oh the day that baby is next will be a glorious day. We've already had a few tears over why we can't get the pig right now. We'll just look at it and put it back. I won't open one tomorrow if I can just have that pig right now. Patience my dear. You'll get that pig soon enough!
Have a wonderful weekend. It's the first one of December! So do lots of Decembery things.....even if it just means staying in and cuddling with your babies.
I know exactly what you mean; I totally 'do it fast' too. Good luck with slow frustration December, you can do it! And your advent chain is so sweet.
ReplyDeleteGood Luck with slowing down your frustration but remember frustration is a part of life and something we should teach our children about because in the end you still have to figure out how to deal with it? By doing it fast you are releasing the frustration, right? So where will it go if you slow it down? How will you release it? I use to tell my kids I was frustrated, I sighed and said, "Oh, mom's just frustrated and tired so I am doing it fast because it helps me with my feelings." And, off they went. Typically, they just wanted to know I wasn't angry with them and if I was upset with them, I said, "You frustrated me, I asked you three times to do this and now I am banging this stuff around because it must get done and I am tired." Nine out of Ten times my child helped because they understood and they saw me 'hit the wall' so to speak. Most important,Don't beat yourself up and don't expect to be perfect in front of your child or to raise a perfect kid, it is more important to teach them that there will be times they are frustrated and sometimes a good 'fast paced' or job makes you feel better! It helps them see the difference between a tantrum and a purposeful meltdown LOL, I mean, at least you are getting the dishes cleaned or the coat zipped, right!!
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