Here's the thing. Every single night since Georgia was brought home from the hospital....and I mean every single night (except for the handful of times she's been somewhere else over night or we went away for a few days), I go into her room before I go to sleep and hold her hand. And I hold it for a little while--not just a few seconds, and I stare at her, and I touch her cheeks, and I cover her back up, and I think about how lucky I am that I get to be her mom. Sometimes Chris tells me to get out of her room.....I'm going to wake her up. Sometimes she does wake up and she'll mumble, "I love you mommy," in this semi state of wakefulness and roll over. And I LOVE THAT. And Chris is right, it's probably rude that I do that, because it's true, I wouldn't want someone to wake me up three hours after I've fallen asleep--but I just can't help myself.
|Ahhhh....I loved this....she used to pop her little fist through the slats of her crib while she slept. |
You bet I took a picture of this--probably about two months old here.
|Look at those little nails. I loved them. She bites them now and I dream about a day when they might look like this again.|
The other night during one of our hand-holding sessions I started thinking about how it's really time to start get serious about transitioning Georgia out of her crib. But I don't want to. I don't care if she sleeps in a crib for two more years because it will mean she's still my baby. And yes...she'll always be my baby...but you know what I mean. I almost started crying. I had to definitely leave her room so I didn't wake her up.
|These are her pink shoes.....read the whole story about these here.|
|Georgia loved these little blocks. She has a little bit of dirt in between her fingers and I even love that...it's her dirt.....her hands.|
|I wasn't allowed to play so I took a whole bunch of pictures. Oh....and yes....that's fake poop on the table. Chris thought that was a funny toy for Georgia to play with. We're real classy over here. Real classy.|
It's like that with everything. And it's okay I think--it's just how it is with us humans. But they're still good goals to set. I want to be more present in Georgia's everyday so that when I'm holding that little hand at the end of the day I don't think about the "I wishes......"
And I know I still will. But sometimes it's really good to just think about what you want to do better and work on it for a few days and then work on it some more a few days later and then again a few more days later.
That's what I've been thinking about lately.
Off to hold some hands.