Big-Little.

Georgia has deemed herself big-little.  She came up with this label all on her own and whips it out often. It seems to be a convenient argument when she doesn't want to do things like pick up ALL of her toys, brush her teeth, put on her shoes, or follow directions the first time she hears them.

"Georgia--you can do this.  I've seen you do it before. You're a big girl."

"No.  I'm big little.  I'm too small to do it all the way."

But she's plenty big to carry a chair into the kitchen to reach the counter for some candy, pick up all of her toys when she thinks she's going to get something in return for doing it, brush her teeth with a dentist's accuracy when the promise of crazy lights is looming, or move quickly on command if it means we'll be doing some kind of art project.

Big-little.  Makes sense right?

I'm a big girl and I should be able to jump on the bed, pretend to drive the car, walk down the stairs by myself, color with markers, and drink out of a regular cup but I'm too little to clean up all the pennies I've distributed throughout the living room, put the colored pencils back in their cup, put my shoes back in my room, or understand I can't chase the cat.

And we laugh about it when she says it because the manipulative genius behind it one would not necessarily expect from a two year old.  I mean--really--the thought process that went into coming up with this little moniker is impressive.

And lately.....I've been thinking about how Georgia is big-little a lot.  Georgia is two and a half and has no interest in being potty trained.

None.

Not even a little.  And definitely not big-little.

In fact, she told me the other day that she likes it when her diaper is dirty.  When another little kid (and there's been three of them in the past two weeks) made a comment to her about how she still wore diapers her response was, "Nope.  I wear pull-ups," and when she sees her best little friend use the potty she can relay all the steps that need to be taken down to washing the hands but when it's mentioned how cool it is that her friend uses the potty and wouldn't you like to do that her answer is always, "No.  I do it different.  I wear pull-ups!  Yeah pull-ups."

I rarely even mention potty training to Georgia at the request of her pediatrician for a whole slew of reasons that I don't need to go into now......but I still just hope every day that she'll turn the corner and decide on her own that she wants to be a big girl today.  Not a big-little girl.

And I KNOW, everyone and their mother tells me, that when she's ready she'll do it.  But I find that as helpful as people telling you, "God only gives you what you can handle," when your life is falling apart, or "It will all work out in time--you'll see," when everything you've worked so hard for just falls off a cliff.  I believe the above to be true, but fortune cookie advice is.............annoying and not helpful in the moment.  Let's all be honest.  And there's generally more going on under the surface that isn't necessarily laid out for public consumption that explains the situation at hand............

So anyway......I know that Georgia won't go to college wearing diapers.  But sometimes........when everyone else's kid is making their way to a diaper free existence and the cute Hello Kitty underwear that have been laying neglected in Georgia's drawer keep laying there--and the potential wearer of these couldn't care less-- it's hard not to start feeling like the last girl in your class that needs a bra.

But I know that there are perks to a diaper wearing kid.....like no emergency trips to the bathroom in the middle of a gas station--as savory as that always is, less laundry due to accidents, and no clock watching until the next time I have to remind her that we should "try." I keep telling myself all of these things and most of the time they're my reality.  It's just sometimes I slip into insecure sixth grader mode and just wonder, "Why?  Why don't you think it's cool to pee in your musical potty? You love music--you know the words to every song we listen to!!!"

"Why don't you want to be big big instead of big little?"

And then Georgia does something like tell me she can't wait to be big so she can marry daddy just like I did and my heart melts and I know she'd never say that if she were big big.  So I guess---I know--I'm good with Georgia being big little for a little while still.

She's big big here, so of course "Toto" needs a ride on her feet just like she takes rides on mommy's feet.

Love you my big little girl.  Love you forever.

Weekend Things

I have nothing substantial or riveting or poignant to say today, but at lunch after church, my friend Rachel asked me what we'd done this weekend.  I had to think about it for a second because it was one of those weekends that felt a little long......in a good way--because we'd packed enough into it to last four or five days. And these are the kinds of weekends that should be remembered because they make life good, our family stronger, and memories better. Most of the time just doing the everyday stuff together is the best way to spend your time....and it's definitely what kids remember when they look back ten years from now--I know it's true of my child-hood.

I didn't take pictures of all of it--sometimes my trigger finger needs a break........so I'm missing documentation of dinner Friday night with some college friends......but it was good, I assure you!

We kicked off Friday with this ensemble, a la Carmen Miranda, we're just missing a hat basket of fruit.  And this was the second time in the course of the week that this outfit was requested.  Shocking that I had a headache.

And we had our first dusting of snow on Friday morning as well............

See those orange posts?  The snowplow guys put them there one night while we were sleeping.  When Georgia asked why and I explained it to her she started to cry.  Huge tears that needed a hug and some holding in order to stop.  "I don't want those guys to take away our snow.  I want to play in it."  Anxiety.  She's picking it up quick.

If you don't think your kids are watching you................

Here's a dinner party Georgia orchestrated for Dora and Pinky (the unicorn of course)......it was grand.......

So grand in fact that pictures of the event needed to be taken with her key-chain camera just like I took pictures of the table at Thanksgiving.  One hundred percent undirected by me...just pulled from the recesses of her smart little brain.

These are the moments when I couldn't love this girl more.  I wanted to grab her out of this scene and kiss her like a crazy person but I couldn't ruin the moment either.  She was taking this serious.  When I moved one plastic glass to get a better picture I was instructed on the ways of her dinner parties.....and it didn't include that glass being anywhere than where it had been originally.  Pinky couldn't reach it.

And of course.........we made cookies........almond cookies--daddy's favorite............

This is classic.  She's looking for dough to eat that's fallen out of the bowl.  She thinks she's being sneaky and that I don't see her.  But really G......you've got a mama who would let you eat raw dough anytime.......because it's AWESOME. Sometime I'll tell you all about the time I ate a whole bunch of raw dough out of the fridge and tried telling my dad my mom ate it.  Addicts lie, right?

I leave extra dough on the beater--it's the right thing to do for your kids......and yourself.

Saturday night......Chris and I went out for dinner.  Georgia wanted to take our picture.  They turned out nice. 

Our babysitter showed up and lent a hand............

I found this book at a local book-store and the teacher in me (albeit the middle school teacher) couldn't resist seeing what it might be like to do with Georgia........it was a smashing success!  Some of the pages are a little, and a lot, hard.......but we'll work up to it before the end of the year and parent teacher conferences.

We ended the weekend by taking a drive through a light display at the ball park in Grand Rapids.  It brags to be the biggest light display in Michigan--which I sort of believe.  However, I grew up in the Detroit area where we'd drive through Domino's Farms every Christmas--and this ball park thing didn't hold a candle to the Domino's headquarters......not even a flicker really.  Sorry--it's kind of true.  Either way, Georgia loved it and thankfully you get to drive through twice because there were tears when we told her it was all over.  

Georgia abbreviates everything......cranberry juice is 'cran,' Joseph, of Mary and Joseph, is Joe, and gingerbread men are 'gingers.' Chris and I beg her to tell us what they're called over and over.  Too funny.  Who knew she was British?

And of course we wrapped up the evening with crazy lights.  Tonight we got crazy to Cheetah Girls, "Only five more days 'till Christmas."  

It was a great weekend--one of those that makes you feel really accomplished when you head to bed on Sunday night........more where that came from.........December crazy is just getting started!

Sparrow the Cat...........

Captain Jack Sparrow.............

that's who this guy is named after.  However, he is neither swarthy nor quick tongued (he just meows a lot) so it's hard to drum up as much affinity for him as one might have for Johnny Depp's alter ego.

Here's the thing (and I'll just say right now I can't believe I'm posting about a cat)..............I used to LOVE this guy.  I distinctly remember a time right after Georgia was born, in my sleep deprived added to my already "I generally border on crazy" state that I stood crying in our bedroom door with Sparrow in my arms telling Chris that I didn't think Sparrow felt as loved anymore and  this wave of guilt came crashing down on me. 

Chris had some encouraging words for me.  You can interpret encouraging however you'd like.

And then................things began to change. 

Sparrow started hissing and batting at every new person that came into our house.  A result of feeling territorial about the baby?  Not on your life--he was just getting cranky.

Sparrow started wanting to be fed every ten minutes and crying until food appeared in his dish.  Often for hours at a time.  He eats five times a day, a special prescription food, and sometimes while he's eating he actually starts whining.  Why?  Who the heck knows?

He started puking, on average, once a day because he ate too fast.  And he has no ability to self-monitor the eating if we were to leave out a lot of food in the hopes that he'd only eat enough to be satisfied and know it was there if he wanted to come back.  Nope--he'll just eat 'till it's gone--even if the bowl of food is as big as my kitchen sink. 

He started running in between our legs while we're walking, bringing me to my knees at least once a week. 

And did I mention the hissing and batting.  I just wanted to make sure you knew how adorable he was. 

Why do I share this very enticing slice of my life?

I am torn, that's why. 

When do you decide you've put up with enough from a pet?  How do you justify it in your mind?  How do you carefully orchestrate his departure so that the two year old who thinks he loves her doesn't corner me with questions that I can't answer tactfully?  How? How? How?

And..............jokes about running over your cat, taking 'em out back, letting "me" handle them are all so funny and clever............in a red neck sort of way so that's not really helpful. 

But it's hard. It's really hard to come to this decision.  And maybe in the end we don't really come to a decision at all; we just continue tolerating and making apologies for our really friendly cat.  Who knows?  Pets are hard, at least for me.

One of my friends told me I should just hire someone to take him in so we wouldn't actually have to "do" it and some other friends I know actually did that for some of their friends.

Oh...........silly grown-up decisions.  Why are you so hard?

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In more light-hearted news.............

We are almost to the Pig in the advent chain.  It's been a constant topic of conversation and tomorrow is it! (This picture was taken a few days ago).  If anything, this advent chain teaches patience to a two year old in a fierce way.  More tears have been shed over having to wait for this pig key-chain than I ever would have imagined!  I hope it can live up to it's reputation.  

Also--last night we had dinner with these amazing girls and their husbands...........

A lot of life has been endured in this group and it's always great to come together and catch up.  I feel like a lucky girl to have them on my home-team! (Thanks Jaren for the great picture!)

Serving Dinner

Last night our small group headed down to the Renucci House at Spectrum Hospital here in Grand Rapids.  The Renucci House is a place that families can stay if they have a loved one in the hospital for a long-term stay. It's free of charge for them and helps out people who are from out of town and just don't have the means to stay in a hotel for days at a time.  It's an amazing facility and provides a little bit of comfort during what is an obviously traumatic time for so many families.

They offer dinner most nights (for free) to those staying at the house but look for volunteers from the community to bring that dinner in.  We brought dinner down once last spring and loved doing it so much that we decided to go back last night.  And hopefully, we'll make this trip many more times.

It's so simple.  We brought glazed ham, home-made mac and cheese, pasta salad, rolls, jello, mashed potatoes, salad, pop, and dessert but that's not what makes it so simple.  You get to talk to the people who are coming down to eat dinner while they fill their plates and they just spill out why they're there, what's going on, how they're coping, and what they hope for.  We're total strangers to them and we're rushing around filling drinks, taking more ham out of the oven, or making sure our kids are all getting along, and they'll stand and talk to us while they eat because they need to get it out.  Talk to one more person about the situation because, we all know it, as human beings when we're going through something horrendous it feels good to get it out; often to anyone who will listen.  And it's amazing to me how just bringing hurting people something hot and home-made gives them even just a little bit of comfort.

I love going there too because Georgia can come; all the kids come from our small group....fourteen total. And they run around with each other, color, beg for more cookies, watch TV, help serve drinks, pass out candy canes, and play with the toys.  But they're there and part of this service opportunity even if they all don't entirely get it. But it doesn't matter--kids become what they see--and I want my daughter to be a part of simple, tangible, helpful acts of kindness so that one day it's her idea to engage in them all on her own.  Whether it's sitting with the kid at lunch that no one else wants to sit with, donating a toy that she loves to a toy drive, volunteering to work at a homeless shelter, or anything else that takes some of her time......I want her to think of doing things for other people who she doesn't know as second nature.

As parents we have control over developing that innateness in our children.  Can they work on it as adults on their own?  Of course.  But I believe the impact on culture is so much more significant if we raise children who can't imagine not helping out others because it's just what's always been for them.

Serving dinner was really no big deal for us.  It's so easy, it's fun to do it together as a group of friends, and it's only a few hours of our time.........but I want it to be part of a pattern that Georgia is always aware of and a part of.  I just hope I can deliver when it comes to that part of my job as a parent.

Why are you doing it fast?

This here is another little dose of mom guilt rearing it's ugly head.

But, given some serious thought I think that mom guilt is valuable (at times) because it teaches you a lesson--one about your own humanity and how ridiculous it can really be.

Confession:

I'm a slammer and a quick doer (never heard that term?  stick with me here.).  Meaning......I'll slam things around quickly when I'm trying to get something done fast while I'm irritated.

Those books that keep falling off the counter?  I'll pick them back up again and again, but on the 50th time I'm going to put them down a little harder on the counter than the first time--because I'm going to teach them a lesson. Sometimes I'll even mumble to them under my breath, "Now stay there."

When Georgia's not listening and we need to get our coats on to head out the door?  Her coat goes on a little more quickly and gets zipped up with a little more vigor (out of frustration on my part) than a time when she was probably listening to me and came when I asked her to come.

I have a sink full of dirty dishes and I open the dishwasher to load it and I find it's all clean?  I empty it and reload it with a little more "efficiency" than on a day when I'm demonstrating more self-control.  

No big deal right?  We all do it.

But here's the thing--the kids notice it.

When I'm engaging in one of these "I'm-doing-this-fast-because-I'm-a-little-irritated-and-kind-of-feel-like-throwing-an-adult-tantrum" Georgia always says to me, "Mommy--why are you doing that fast? I don't like it when you do it fast."

And that stops me in my tracks every time.

I think I'm being subtle.  I think I'm exercising some sort of patience because I'm not raising my voice, I'm not "counting," and I'm not threatening some consequence.  But I'm doing it fast...and not in a "making the most of my time kind of way."

And then I'll notice that when Georgia can't get her doll dressed, she can't figure out how to open a purse, she can't get a puzzle piece to fit just perfectly, or she can't put on her shoes she starts doing it fast; little slams, mean facial expressions, and not the way that I want her to handle frustration.  And as much as it's probably just "in" us to act this way when we're frustrated it looks extra ugly when we see our kids do it and we know they've perfected this skill from watching us.

So my goal for December it to do frustration slow.

And to banish that mom guilt inducing question of "why are you doing it fast?"

There's enough mom guilt that comes that's unwarranted--I don't need to perpetuate warranted mom guilt.  Who has time for that?

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And in other news........

Advent started.  If you want a spectacular little resource to use with your kids check out this out. It comes with a download of a craft to do every day with your kids during December.  

And I also made one of these great little advent chains for Georgia.  My mom made these for us when we were little and my sister and I loved them!  They were like chains of candy hanging in our kitchen but they held all the little knick knacks and trinkets that a dollar store can afford and that are coveted by kids everywhere.  

I think the lesson we'll learn from these this December is patience.  The idea of only cutting off one little present a day is a bit frustrating when there is a delightful light up pig key chain stuck smack dab in the middle of the chain.  Oh the day that baby is next will be a glorious day.  We've already had a few tears over why we can't get the pig right now.  We'll just look at it and put it back.  I won't open one tomorrow if I can just have that pig right now.  Patience my dear.  You'll get that pig soon enough!

Have a wonderful weekend.  It's the first one of December!  So do lots of Decembery things.....even if it just means staying in and cuddling with your babies.