About three years ago when I volunteered to host Mother's Day I declared it would be our first year that we'd be going out and I promptly made reservations at one of my favorite restaurants. After all, I was one of the moms now. The day is supposed to be all about us taking it easy (ish), so I was doing it.
And I have a handful of other "I will nevers." Some stem from my own childhood and some stem from my husbands upbringing. We've all got them--to pretend we don't is just plain lying. Even our own parents have them. My mom hated when her mother made liver and onions and meatloaf for dinner. She'd never make it for us
And on-and-on the nevers go. In general…..I think it's okay. We all have to find our own rhythm, carve out our own habits and priorities, figure out what makes us tick and how we work best. However, the "I will nevers" have a habit of turning into demands instead of desires a lot of the time. And that's where things get dicey.
Most of the time….when desires, the way we like it best, and how we think something should be done become demands they start to impact us in a negative way. And those around us too. These desires aren't wrong, but when they turn into, "If it doesn't go the way I want, someone's going to pay because of it," that's a problem.
They can ruin relationships because they become a hinge on which your tolerance, grace, reality, patience, compassion, and perspective for others and their circumstances lie. One tiny tiff about one of your "nevers"being compromised isn't such a big deal….but when it happens over and over……people might start distancing themselves from you, asking you to be involved in less and less, and see you as hard to please. Layer after layer of that becomes too hard to peel back in a reasonable amount of time….and soon…your relationships just aren't what they were. And all because one of your "nevers" stopped being a desire and became a demand. Often an unreasonable one because we tend to blow our desires up to gigantic proportions and they become distorted into platforms that we treat like ethical and moral lines in the sand.
Just something I like to think about now and then when I start to think that maybe my "nevers" are getting too prominent. What are my nevers? Are they worth it? Could they flex a little?
Are they becoming demands?
How about you? What are your "nevers"?
Oh….and here's one of my new ones. I'll never make puppy chow again…………
I've never really liked it but I was tempted by this cute red velvet cake mix Valentine's puppy chow on Pinterest. So I made it. And dealt with the powdered sugar mess that all puppy chow produces. And the puppy chow was as mediocre as they all are. So there you have it…..I'll never make puppy chow again. At least that's my desire….if it's Georgia's all time favorite snack….I'm sure I can be persuaded.