Yesterday at work I was sitting in our staff conference room eating lunch. My friend Kristine was eating with me, and of course, as with all moms, the conversation turned from Target to kids (that pretty much covers all the important stuff, right?). Georgia has been really hard lately. I know now why people think three is the toughest age. She's still my amazing, mostly happy and funny all the time, little girl. But when she's having a fit.............holy crap she's having a fit.
And these have seemingly started over night. And lucky for me, I bear the brunt of them.
I was lamenting all these fits and tantrums and wondering what I was doing wrong with her. She kind of laughed and said, "Nothing. She's three. It's terrible." She then proceeded to tell me about all of the "fights" she'd had with her kids at that age and how it's just so normal. And then last night, she texted me to tell me that her son was crying because she wouldn't let him have a Popsicle before bed. I laughed and felt better.
I sent Georgia to bed with a piece of cheese because she was soooooooooo huuuuuuuuungry............and I was sooooooooooo tiiiiiiiiiired of fighting.
But it was good to talk to her about it. Because it makes me feel more.............normal.
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And I remember a year or so ago when Georgia was in the throes of "holding it in" (if you know what I mean) and not going, and not going, and feeling all around miserable and me, not knowing what to do about it and carrying around a heap of mom-guilt because I couldn't figure out how to help my girl.
I got frustrated talking to the doctor's; being put on hold every time I called for up to forty five minutes alone made me want to rip out my hair, but not getting any REAL answers took the cake. And then I talked to my friend Holly who'd lived through some of the same thing and she told me who to call, and what to say, and what to demand, and........it worked.
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My friend Rachel? She told me, "We wear pull-ups with pride over at our house. I'm not really into cleaning up pee all over the carpet, beds, couches, kitchen floors, or playrooms." I felt so relieved. I'd read all these books on going straight to underwear; it helps kids learn faster.....teaches responsibility. And maybe for some kids it does. But for me......all it was teaching anyone was how to drop to their knees and scrub the floor fifteen times a day.
So I listened to her, and bought a lot of pull-ups, and potty training took a while. But.......it's done. And I didn't spend a small fortune on Resolve carpet cleaner.
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And there's Heidi. She told me from the get-go, "If the only sleep book you read is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth........you're good." I didn't listen. And I read everything else under the sun.........and nothing worked. And then I bought it. And within a week, life around here was sane.
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When Georgia was five weeks old, she was inconsolable. She cried from morning till night for about two weeks. I thought she had colic. I was already bracing myself for the worst. My friend Mandie suggested I try soy formula. Overnight, my happy baby was back.
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And I was one of "those" moms that said my child wouldn't play in one of those 'germ fest mall play areas.' And really, I'm not a germ weirdo in the least so it was completely out of character for me--but I was holding strong. My friend Liz (who is the calmest, most logical first time mom I've ever known might I add) told me to get over it. She said, "You just told me you watched Georgia eat a cricket leg off your basement floor before you could stop her. We're going to the play area." And away we went. And it was glorious and relaxing and is a great carrot to dangle in front of a kid while you're getting the shopping out of the way. And........she's never gotten sick as a result.
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So, what I've learned as a new mom, is that besides the intuition we're blessed with as mothers we're also given other moms. Moms who have lived through sleepless nights, formula reactions, diaper rash, spit up, babies who are hungry, babies who are over-fed, when to introduce baby food, when to let a kid eat peanut butter, potty training, discipline that works, constipation, the best place to buy shoes that last, or good games for kids.
And these moms aren't even doctors or published authors with a litany of child-rearing books they've published behind their names; they're just moms. And if we listen to them along with our intuition it can pay off in spades. They can tell you when you should really call the doctor, when a home remedy will work better, when it's time to take away the pacifier, what kind of bed rails to buy, and when to just throw your hands up in the air and say, "Here's my white flag. Have fun with me."
That village we've been given--it's an amazing thing.
And I'm so thankful for it. Everyday.
Who are the moms in your village?
I spent some time with part of my village this morning. And again, I expressed my frustration over the tantrums, and Rachel (the same wise pull-up Rachel) just like Kristine said, "Yep--it pretty much sucks doesn't it?"
And I felt normal again.
And here's some pictures of the morning--Georgia and Fiona.......playing in one of those germ-fests. They loved it.
