One Year. One WHOLE year.

Crosby is one today.
I have to let that sit in.  ONE.  ONE.  ONE.

It's breathtaking how fast this year has come and gone and how fast our lives changed last November 10th with no warning and no time to think about saying yes or no -- just….we'll be there at noon tomorrow-- to this amazing little man who was already born when we found out about him.

Wait--we had twenty minutes--let me be transparent.

It's so strange to think back to that sheer panic inducing moment standing at my kitchen island talking to my social worker on the phone as she was ordering food from the KFC drive-thru because her day had been as crazy as mine was about to become.

We'd always heard about these "alleged" adoptions that happen at the last minute with no warning and never for one minute thought that would happen with us.  That's always a dumb assumption--because thinking something will never happen to you pretty much seals the deal that it will.  And I could keep going with this train of thought--but if you've been around here a while you know the story.  If not, you can read about it here.

Onward….

I've written here less this year than I ever intended to.  For no poignant reason really.  Unless you consider being tired, and somewhat lazy, and having a newborn, and needing to binge watch Blacklist last winter, and laundry, and playing on the floor with a baby and a first grader, and really enjoying my part-time job at school, and reading some good books, and hanging out with my husband, and playing outside poignant.  I'm sure I could write a post about how all of that is poignant and moving but it really wasn't an intentional decision…..and that's left me feeling all those panicky feelings of scarcity and un-intended apathy that I can't stand.  I worry that I've chronicled less of Crosby's first year here than I wanted to, and those thoughts that I'm so sure I can hold on tightly to in my head will slowly start to dissipate.

But when you're a mom and you know the paralyzing love a baby brings on you know there are just some things about your baby you'll never forget……….

Like how Crosby points at everything and yells for you to hand it to him--even though we've never been convinced yet to hand him a pair of scissors, a tube of red lipstick, or a hot straightening iron.

Like how he puts his hands in the air and sways all soulful to music.  Even better--how pumped he gets when he can see that we're about to turn on the music and he's getting his moves ready.

Like when he cranes his neck down to look you straight in the eye if you're not looking directly at him…..and he's starting to say "hi" when he does it which is truly awesome.

Or how about when he hugs the stuffed animal dog whose nose turns red when it "sneezes," and only when the nose turns red--and not a second earlier.

And how he holds his hand to his ear whenever he hears the phone ring like he's talking on the phone.

And how when he hears us laughing about something he interjects his own laugh just to be part of the group.

And the smooshy.  Smoosh has become the best verb in our house.  You're happy about something……smoosh.  Something is delicious? Smoosh.  It's stupid--sure.  But when Crosby started smiling the smooshy smile--it changed our lives.  We got a little nervous back in September because he stopped doing it for about three weeks…..and then….miraculously….it came back.

And you know how it is--this list is endless.

Crosby came so fast…..we didn't have time to really process this major life decision…..we just said yes.  And what we've learned by just saying yes is that sometimes when you do--without analyzing the situation to do death like we're so inclined to do as a culture is that you get to experience a truly authentic surprise and there are so few in life, and you get to experience the sacrificial love of your friends and family who rally around you and set up pack and plays at your house while you're gone, buy you diapers and wipes and clothes and formula, and help your mom with your other kid who's sick and show you how to accept help and love it, you get to come face to face with the realization that there is so little in our lives that we get to control and even when it doesn't feel okay it's making you a better person, and that when you think there's no way in the world you were cut out to be a boy mom you find out that being a boy mom is just as awesome as being a girl mom…..because……

and,

oh, and this too….

Happy first birthday you incredible little boy.  You have been one of the best surprises and the best yes's ever to come our way.  

Black & White….it's all right.

I started decorating Crosby's room and buying baby supplies for him before there was a Crosby.  And so…..I stuck to neutrals.  But really--I stuck to my favorite colors with a few colors thrown in.  And thankfully, they're super popular right now so there was/is no end to amazing black and white decor items for baby rooms.  I have a lot of these pieces and love, love, love them or I wouldn't feature them here.  The mobile is one of my favorite things in Crosby's room as well as the zebra head.  

Happy shopping to you!!

Hugs & Kisses Garland // Cloud Light // Wire Basket // Gallery Art Cards // Zebra Trophy Head (super great deal and lots of other animals to pick from too!!) // Rain Cloud Prints // Swiss Cross Blanket // Pantone Board Books (for stacking in cute places around the rom) // Wildlife Chart // Felt Ball Mobile (I have this one for Crosby and it's currently sold out but similar ones are available) // Stacked Stripes Print (I painted similar pictures for Crosby's room--but pictures like these were my inspiration) // Zebra Throw Pillow // Black & White Floor Bin // Beco Baby Carrier (lots of other great patterns available too) // Kisses Art Print

Some black and white action from our little man's room…………..

And P.S. that cloud picture and the one next to it?  It's Crosby's life goal to rip those off the wall.  He gets changed up on that dresser about once a week when he's real groggy.  Otherwise, we stick to wrestling with him on the floor.  

When people love your kids…...

Crosby's adoption finalization was yesterday!  And it was as amazing a day as Georgia's was five and a half years ago.  And not because we could breathe a huge sigh of relief that he would forever be our son, he was our little boy the moment we met him in the hospital, but because celebrations of family and friends and support and excitement and love are always a good idea no matter the occasion; adoption finalization's, open houses, weddings, anniversaries, and all the in between.  When you love your family, and you love your friends, and they love your kids--celebrate it!

It's a pretty fantastic day when over fifty six of your friends and family come downtown with you and fill up the back of a court room and the judge proclaims with a huge smile on his face, "that this is one of the biggest finalization hearings he's ever presided over and it's going to make his day." And to hear those friends and that family each talk about Crosby and how amazing he is and how important family is really can't be beat (either can fantastic family court judges who know how to make these days special).

Georgia has been looking forward to this day for a few months now and for her to be able to experience a finalization as a six year old and have it be something she'll remember was so important to us.  She asked numerous times, "Is this what mine was like?  All these people?  All this fun?"

Sure was little girl.  Sure was.

The judge gave Georgia an official 'big sister' certificate, signed it, and presented it to her.  She walked so confidently and so proud up to his stand.  Didn't even give it a second thought, which for my introvert girl, means it was a pretty awesome thing to get and she wasn't letting the moment pass.

Adoption is this wonderfully intricate, emotional, life-changing, soul stretching, eye-opening, sacrificial,  and sacred thing…..and that's putting it so lightly.  Our social worker said in court that she loves to watch how we love our kids and how we love their biological parents and desire so much to have them a part of our lives--and that made me cry the most.  Because it's so true.  Without their amazing birth parents we wouldn't have our kids, we wouldn't be who we are today, we wouldn't know that there are never too many people to love a baby, and we wouldn't know how fear of the unknown could be conquered in such a powerful way. 

So we absolutely celebrate our adoption finalization's.  

Because loving your family always deserves to be celebrated.  

And letting your kids see how many people support them, love them, and cheer for them is a such an incredible gift!   

So Chris and I thank everyone who came downtown with us yesterday and back to our house afterwards.  Your love of our kids is something so incredibly special to us and your support of adoption--every part of it--is inspirational, encouraging, and affirming.  Love you, Love you!

Those Boys.

When I first started shopping for Crosby--because we owned nothing for a little boy when we brought him home from the hospital--I was convinced that baby boy clothes designers were for sure at the bottom of their class in design school.  When I say nothing--please know--there is no exaggeration in that statement.  When your first kid is the first grand-child and a girl…..there is no gender neutral about anything you get.  But uh--frogs, and trucks, and paw prints, and monkeys abound in the boys departments and right across the aisle you'll find super great things for little girls by the same brand. But I know--we all know that.  Someone told me--you're good at the Internet--just wait--soon you'll love shopping for little boys.  

And you know what?  I totally do.  There really is some great stuff out there if you know where to look.  But that's the problem sometimes--these great little pieces exist in independent web or Instagram shops and they don't make themselves super well known--they're like a jewel to be mined.  I mined some for you.  Some obscure--some more well known.  Crosby owns a lot of these pieces and I've learned through the years, that just like adult clothes, the better they are, the longer they last.  Stains come out of them easier, they look better after a trillion washings, they hold their shape, they feel better because the fabric is higher quality, they don't shrink, they don't wrinkle up, and they are more versatile.  So sometimes…it's really worth it and you'll save some money in the long-run because you aren't replacing things as quickly--and you can sell them for more money at consignment.  

Happy shopping and happy Tuesday!  Big day for us tomorrow--adoption finalization day.  I'll post some pics later on this week! 

Striped Onesie.  

Moccs--watch for good sales.  But really the only baby shoes you'll ever need. 

Mint striped shorts. 

Suspender shorts.

Striped beanie--all season in my opinion.

Love script tee.

Rags to Raches Geo Star Mint Romper. 

Grey diamond sleeveless hoodie.

Real tiger tank.  Love this whimsy.

Patch pocket tank body suit.  I can't get enough of baby boy tank tops. The arm rolls/'muscles."

Chevron Tee.

Color block cardigan.  Mr. Rogers-esque and great for chilly summer nights.  

Luke 2:19. The verse for moms.

A couple years ago I stumbled upon the verse Luke 2:19.

….."but Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often"…….

She was a new mom….people were coming to visit her brand new baby……she knew who he was and who he was going to be…..and yet…..she had these secret mom thoughts…..moments that were all hers…..that she could bring back whenever she wanted to….whenever she needed to……because that's what moms do.  

I'd read it before but it didn't have a big impact--probably because I wasn't a mom yet and maybe because there are some various opinions on what it means.  But I remember reading it as a new mom and I thought, 

This.  This verse was written for moms.  This verse was written for moms who contemplate and think about and love their babies to the ends of the earth.  This verse perfectly describes the two hundred times we kiss our babies heads while we rock them to sleep and drink in how amazing their little heads smell….hoping to never forget that scent for as long we live and inevitably conjuring up that memory when we think about our kids, miss them, and long to hug them just one more time when they get on that bus for the first day of school or when we check on them at night before we go to bed.

As moms we all have those 'things in our heart' and we think about them often--because they belong to us--just us.

The way Crosby's feathery soft fingers feel when he brushes them along my arm while I'm feeding him a bottle.

The way Georgia shouts, "BEST DAY EVER," if I let her have ice-cream.

The way Crosby smiles with his mouth shut and his cheeks puff out so big he's lucky I haven't eaten them both.

The way Georgia mumbles she loves me when I kiss her on the forehead before I go to bed and she stirs in her sleep.

The way Crosby lays heavy against me when we sit on the blue couch and listen to Georgia play the piano--and he's mesmerized by her.

The way Georgia shakes her hands and nods her head when she's really getting into telling me a story.

The way it feels when my kids grip my hands, by shoulders, my legs, my face when they need me--when they need to feel safe and reassured.

The way Georgia tells me quietly that her stomach hurts a little bit when she gets nervous and can I pray for her to feel brave.

The way Crosby slaps the bed with his feet at the same time when he sees me peek over his crib to get him in the morning.

The way he giggles when I put a blanket over his face and ask where he is.

The way Georgia hunches over artwork and I can see her think so hard about what she wants to add to a picture next…..and next.

The way she reaches forward from the backseat and extends her hand signaling she wants to hold mine.

All those moments and what it really feels like to be in them--they're all mine.  I can list them for you, paint a picture kind-of--but really…..to live them, breath them, feel them…….they're mine.  You can't possibly know what it does for me, to me, and in me.  Just like I can't know yours.  They become part of the rhythm of our mom hearts and set the beat that keeps us going and each of us has a little different beat.

I'm reminded of verses like this and how deeply I love them at the beginning of a summer; when I have weeks stretched out ahead of me with everyone home where I can be present in so many moments that I want to store in my heart forever…..and think about often.

A few from tonight……
Two little amazing friends having so much fun on the trampoline, Disney radio playing on my phone from the lawn, the trees blowing in the wind, and just these two giggling and plotting 'moves' together as they jumped.

Get ready to store some moments this summer.  When they happen, you'll know it.  You'll know they're the ones.  The ones you'll think about often and always and that are all yours…..how it felt to be in them, how they made you love your kids even more, how grateful you were for those giggles, those little hands, that kiss, that wink, that question, that sigh, that smell, and that look.

Luke 2:19 this summer.
It's my new verb.  

Crosby-Bobsby

That's what your big sister calls you.
And sometimes she calls you Cruuusby.
And sometimes she says you're so cute she could squeeze your guts out.  I don't think she means it.
But you really are so cute.

Especially when you shriek so loud you make yourself cough…..and then do it again because you think it's hilarious.

Especially when you sneeze and you get the biggest smile on your face.  And really….who doesn't think sneezing feels good?

Especially when you laugh whenever we say "Hola, Hola, Coca-Cola."  (Who knows where that came from.)

Especially when you beat your chest like Tarzan.

Especially when you hold your own bottle….and you're only five months old!

Especially when you sleep through the night….oh wait.  But I'm sure you'll be cute when you do.  Maybe even cuter than you are now.

Especially when you wear hats.  You were made for hats.  You're a hat boy.  And really….I have a thing for boys in hats….so no wonder.  Whoever made that rule that guys have to take their hats off when they're at the table or indoors in general?  Stupid rule.  I'll let you break it.

Especially when you do that lazy smile thing you do.  Killer.

Especially when you look at me and I know that you're the perfect finishing touch to our family.  My biggest-surprise-in-the-world-boy.  My I-don't-know-if-we're-ready-boy.  My-but-we-had-no-warning-boy.

But really….just my boy.  Who is the perfect little brother to my girl.

Happy weekending everyone.
It's supposed to finally feel like spring here in Michigan.
I'll drink to that.  A diet coke anyway.

And we have a one month old!

Crosby is one month old today.  What?  A month has gone by?

It's surely not true.  Don't get me wrong,  I'm happy, for the most part, to hurry the newborn phase along, and get to that three or four month golden mark, but it's crazy to me how fast our life changed and in turn how fast it's become the new normal.

Some random thoughts a month in.
(Also--all of these pictures were taken by my friend Lisa in our home.  She's taken all of our family pictures--since Georgia was a week old.  If you're local make sure to follow her on FB.  She does some incredible mini sessions at her farm a few times a year that you'll want to get in on!)

1.  I was terrified of being a boy mom.  It just never felt like me--neither Chris or I really.  But it's weird how hard that is for me to really remember now because Crosby makes me feel like little boys are absolutely as great as little girls--of course they are!  And just like I felt with Georgia (as I'm sure all moms do) it's astounding to me how much you can fall in love with someone so fast that you didn't even know five minutes ago. Plus, I ordered my first pair of little boy leggings from Etsy which restored my faith in apparel for little boys.

2.  People are so weird when you have a boy--like you finally have a kid--even though you already had a kid--and a pretty incredible one at that.  "YOU HAVE A SON!" Yeah,  I have a super awesome daughter and son.  What is with that?  Let's all stop that.  Are there different fun things about having a girl vs. a boy and a boy vs. a girl? Of course--one does not negate the other.

3.  I vow to never use the phrase "Boys will be boys."  I could go on and on.  Let's also stop that.

4.  I appreciate Georgia's fascination with bugs so much more now than I ever did before.  She can show this little dude the bug ropes like no one else.

5.  I'm also so happy that her craft table in the kitchen is long and has two chairs at it.  The two of them can sit for hours together making creations out of every.piece.of.trash.georgia.resuces.

6.  I give Crosby about a year before Georgia pile drives him in the living room.  She can't wait for another wrestling partner--and waiting for daddy to get home at 6:00 is just too long.

7.  Being a mom the second time around helps you to understand why all the grandmas laugh at us first time moms quoting our baby books and writing down our feeding schedules.  Sheesh.  There are no rules anymore--just do whatever feels good.  (But that being said--you do learn a lot the first time around from those books that resurfaces in more organic ways the second time--so you should still read them!)

Major props to my mom for helping met get Crosby's room put together the first week he was home.  Thankfully, I'd painted those pictures above his bed back in July and had ordered a few decorative things that I knew would work for a boy or girls room.  Sometimes a burst of motivation pays off.  

8. I'm pretty pumped about doing round-ups of stuff I love that now include boy things; definitely a shortage of those out there.

9. Meals.  Thank you to everyone who has brought meals.  I want to marry you.

10.  If you're going to be a new mom……buy yourself a really great hat that you can wear everyday and get out of the house.  I'm a homebody through and through but being trapped in the house with a newborn for more than a few days in a row can make you climb the walls.

We're off to this little guys one month appointment where I hope to hear that he's packed on a few more  pounds.  Because we all know that more weight allegedly means more sleeping at night.  Right?  Just say yes--even if your baby weighs 80 pounds and doesn't sleep through the night just say yes.

Happy Wednesday!